Sunday column: 2008 headlines

It’s become a New Year tradition of mine, a way for me to enter the year with a bright outlook … with a little bit of hope.
And for the first time, Sanford readers will get to see my now semi-famous “Headlines I’d Like to See,” the 2008 edition.
It goes like this … the following are a set of headlines that currently, are purely fictitcious, but if they happen to appear in The Herald this year, I’ll be a happy man.
Enjoy, and Happy New Year to everybody.

Call Noah. A flood’s a comin’
OK, first off, I’d never actually write a headline that horrible. Or would I?
In my letter to Santa a few weeks back, I asked the old elf for some rain, which it seems he’s done a pretty good job of bringing since Christmas.
But for North Carolina to truely get out of the current drought — which has not only begun the change our everyday lives, but also hurt our state’s economy — we need about a week straight of heavy, heavy rain. We need the kind of rain that requires knee-high rubber boots and yellow rain slickers. We need the kind of downpour that only Gene Kelly could dance in.
If that rain comes, it will definitely be in our headlines … so now you’re getting the point of this column.

Bullseye. Sanford gets a Target
Not that I don’t appreciate the shopping choices in our area, but one of the things I’ve missed since moving to this area is Target.
From its clever commercials to its great electronics section, Target is like Wal-Mart on steroids.
I foresee our area getting more retail once the bypass gets going, and a Target would be a perfect fit along U.S. 1 … in my humble opinion.

Book store heading our way
In the spirit of the previous Target headline, I’m looking for a book store to come to Lee County.
It’s actually a bit baffling that we don’t have one already. We have a great library and several local businesses that sell books along with other items (and I’m not forgetting that there’s a Christian book store as well), but the answer to why we don’t have a Barnes & Noble, a Borders or other “larger” book store escapes me.
We preach and preach to people here that it’s important to shop locally, but even I’ll attest that it’s difficult sometimes when we don’t have some of the stores to meet our basic needs.
Oddly enough, my favorite part of these book stores is the magazine rack. As an editor, I probably shouldn’t have shared this information, since I guess I’m supposed to be quite the book reader.
Well, I’m not … but many of you are. A headline like this would make many of us giddy.

District 2 commissioner doesn’t quit
Wouldn’t it be hilarious if after the next District 2 commissioner is chosen, we ran a headline each day stating he or she did not quit? Only in my warped mind.

Snow day, no school
I personally don’t care if our students miss a day or school or not, I just want the snow.
For the past five years, I’ve lived in Houston and South Louisiana, where exactly three snowflakes have fallen in the past 15 years. I didn’t come to Sanford expecting blizzards, nor did I come for this area’s ski slopes … but I am far enough north to get to see the white stuff now, and I’d personally like to see it within my first year here (I got here in mid-February … so time’s running out).

Candidates defy tradition, get along
For us, 2007 was a pretty interesting election year. Throw in the presidential race and some pretty good state and county races, and 2008 should be great for political enthusiasts like me.
In all actuality, if this headline does appear, it will probably mean fewer newspapers sold, as political bickering seems to make readers mad-happy (mad that they’re doing it, happy that they get to read about it).
But I really do enjoy campaigns that are run cleanly, as you actually get to see what the candidates stand for rather than hear them yammer on about why their opponent is Satan.
Some wish for peace on earth. I just want peace on the campaign trail.

Smiling editor wins a cool million
I write this one every year, and it’s yet to happen. Then again, I don’t play the lottery much (only when it’s ridiculously high), so my odds are infinitely against me.
Still, it’d make a heck of a headline, and this smile you see on this blog wouldn’t be containable within the borders of the photo.


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